Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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