if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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