Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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