Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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