I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this boner is exhausting
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
