Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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