can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
