Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
