You're my little dorito
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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