Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
one two three fourrrrnication!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
