its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
