Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I looked at my own cervix.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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