She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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