she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
