She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
