why im i the only drunk person in the library?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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