no, he came in my armpit
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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