Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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