just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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