Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
