Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize