I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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