she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
