I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize