i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
