tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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