i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
