Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
