Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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