My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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