you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
