Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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