You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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