The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
