You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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