i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
