Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
