And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
