I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
