There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
