remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So much rum. So many feels.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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