I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
