She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
