Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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