She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
