okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
