so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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