I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize