he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
