I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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