i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
