Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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