I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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