Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
