Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
