Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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