I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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