6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize