Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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