The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
