At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
