It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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