Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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