I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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