Pappa wants mamma naked
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Vodka?
Forever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
