Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
