my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
