so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
