At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize