yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize