recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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