Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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