sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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