She is in my trunk
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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