My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
