How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
