I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
